my child is out of control what can i do
Child Discipline Techniques

My Child Is Out Of Control What Can I Do?

Parents’ that think “My Child Is Out Of Control What Can I Do?” tend to feel as if this safety barrier has been breached. This is very difficult to handle as you struggle to cope with your child’s behaviour.

A child is rarely able to meet up to most parents expectations. This is not uncommon and is usually nothing to be concerned about. But what is important is keeping your children safe within a nurturing and reliable environment.

Related: How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Care About The Consequences

My Child Is Out Of Control What Can I Do? Root Causes

As parents we want our children to act in the most pleasant and uplifting manner at all times. We strive to ensure that they are getting all the necessary development, emotional, behavioural, mental and environmental, to keep them on the straight and narrow and increase their chances of securing happiness in the future. 

When your child becomes disruptive it is usually a tell-tell sign that something somewhere has broken down and a further investigation needs to take place.

Children express themselves in direct and indirect ways so the disruptive behaviour can be attributed to both their cognitive and developmental states and the state of the environment they are in. 

Many families struggle with problem children and some have had no other alternative but to send their children away to more strict family members (Grandparents), to other family or friends (in a different city) or in some extreme cases to youth services.

It is always in your best interest to find out the route cause of the disruption is and then take appropriate steps to begin to eradicate it step by step.

Having a family member that is constantly abusive or disruptive who displays mostly negative behaviour can cause extreme family anxiety and tension so it is in everyone’s best interest to keep the peace.

learning how to control aggressive child behavior is vital. Here are some important factors to take into consideration.

My Child Is Out Of Control What Can I Do? Practical Blueprint

Developmental stages

Different children “act out” at different stages. Asses which developmental stage your child is at and ask yourself if it’s indeed normal behaviour for their age group.

For example, Toddlers around 3 years old tend to have violent outburst and temper tantrums. This is frequently caused by the increased cognitive and mental capabilities in language and learning but the inability to share, connect or express these new concepts and ideas to their parents.

This creates tension and frustration which successively leads to a child acting out and being out of control. 

Learning Difficulties 

It’s not uncommon for disruptive children that once suffered from extreme anger issues to be later on diagnosed with having ADHD.

Various learning and attention issues can affect self-control and your child is most venerable when they are fearful.  Fear is a logical response when you don’t completely understand why you are always feeling a certain way.

Creating A Safe Environment To Talk

It’s often overlooked but creating a safe environment is an important part of investigating why things have got so bad.

Try to set some time aside that is outside of your normal surroundings and in a public place. Being at home and discussing behaviour problems with your child can foster bad memories.

Instead, go to a safe neutral place like a coffee shop or shopping centre. Engage in broad conversation and try to ask questions that will lead your child to open up about their anxiety and distress.

Most disruptive behaviours stem from a specific incident or a set of incidents around a particular event. Narrow down what you think it might be but don’t press too hard.

Your job is to stay informative and friendly.

Let your child do most of the talking and just listen. Once you are done write down some notes and see if you can piece together where the aggression has started. Once you have this starting point you’ll be in a better mindset to understand the severity of the problem and what solutions you have available to you.

Establish More Rules

Children crave routine and often times a house without rules can sever boundaries faster. Children feel safe when they are sure where they stand and what they clearly can and can’t do. Create more structure and more routine by hanging calenders and routine maps in places your children can view.

Now you have it in writing refer to it more often and use it as an authoritative document. The written word can sometimes be more powerful than the spoken word. Use this to your advantage.

Consequences

Provide more consequences for misbehaviour. Time outs work perfectly for children aged 2 – 8. You can also take away privileges (screen time, toys, dessert) and can even restrict social interaction.

For example “You won’t be going to cassie birthday this Saturday if this cheekiness continues”

Stick by your word and be disciplined. Children can sense weakness a mile away. If you say “No” 3 times and then on your fourth time say “Yes” they’ll just remember that strategy and use it against you next time

Positive Reinforcement

Always provide positive reinforcement for good behaviour. Try to have fewer concerns for your punishment for out of control child.

Children crave attention and will do anything to get it from you. This can oftentimes be the reason they are “acting out” or “playing up” in the first place, just to get a response.

Instead, try and reinforce the positive and proactive behaviour your child shows and reward it with attention and appreciation.

When your child is showing signs of being out of control patience is always key. Younger children are unable to correctly display emotions so will “act out” as a form of expression.

Older children who have the ability to express their emotions tend to prefer to keep them to themselves which isn’t a constructive way to vent negative emotions. To ensure you keep the peace try to engage with your children on their terms and on their grounds.

By doing this you increase the likelihood that they will accept your invitation to talk or vent which is exactly what they need to do. Storing up negative emotions for a long period is toxic and will eventually lead to behavioural issues as they get older.

Stay calm and be patient.

Let your child come to you when they are ready to vent and don’t be judgemental. Show compassion and understanding. This is the best way to show you support them and are there to help them with whatever issue they are stuck on.

Ava Miller

Mom of 2 who enjoys blogging, travelling, cooking and spending time with Taylor & Olivia

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