It’s not unusually for some parents to think other parents dont like me. If your feeling like the lone sheep constantly and can’t figure out why then this article will help shed some light.
In the vast majority of cases parents that think “other parents dont like me” are usually right. It’s difficult to accept but continue reading and I’ll share 7 smart tips to get “some” parents back on side.
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There is a startling truth about being a parent. Sometimes other parents won’t like you. It’s can sometimes seem a bit frustrating, other times parents go semesters without realising that they are the black sheep amongst other parents.
The key to solving the “other parents dont like me” issue is getting to the route cause of the problem.
School mums politics and school mums unfriendly behaviour isn’t difficult to notice. The key to solving the problem is to identify why this is happening, why you want their friendship and if there are any alternatives.
Popular questions that many parents ask themselves are:
Why is there school mums politics?
why are school mums unfriendly?
How to stop school mums bullying me?
Other Parents Dont Like Me! 7 Realistic Solutions:
1. Seek out moms with similarities
Very often when parents seek out new friends, acquaintances or parent peers they try to approach everyone. While this is natural, if you are having difficulty fitting in or are new to the area it’s better to find someone who you think may share your interest.
This will help you get around much of the school mums politics.
Importantly, this will serve 1 of 2 purposes.
It will give you someone who you can immediately connect with. Trying to find things in common with someone when you clearly don’t is a recipe for disaster. Even if that person is an established parent who is head of committees, attends all the bake sells and is the go-to person for student advice.
If you are having difficulties fitting in, then try to find someone who has similar interest to you so you can bond and then find other common ground as parents.
There may be a reason why other parents aren’t interested in becoming social with you. If you try to engage with the most popular parents and they have an issue with you, it will be difficult to get a straight answer.
Instead, infiltrate a parent with something in common and be sincere about it. Once you’ve bonded over something you can then ask your most telling questions safe in the knowledge that you’ll get a more genuine answer.
Don’t just aim to bond over how cute everyone children look as it’s not unique and may come across forced. Instead, go for a more personal topic to each parent.
Great examples of this can be health and exercise, food and drink and society and religious beliefs.
2. This is the playground, but you aren’t a child.
Don’t get stuck in the school mums unfriendly mindset. Always remember that although you are standing in the playground (and for some this can be the exact playground they went to school in) you are not a child.
Don’t be afraid to be a bit bolder to get to the bottom of things. Parents that think “other parents dont like me” should disassociate the playground mentality of gossip and instead find a structured and grounded way to make friends and provide value.
Many times school mums politics happen because other parents don’t know your value or find it difficult to understand what you can bring to the table. Being an effective parent means learning from your past and allowing it to guide you and your children in the future.
Ask yourself, if your child was going through this exact situation, how would you guide them through it?
This distinct change in perception can bring things to perspective and provide clarity when otherwise there was doubt and confusion.
3. Why are they trying to make your life miserable?
School mums bullying is not an uncommon practice. It can feel like a very personal attack against you or what you stand for at first. Try and take a moment to ask yourself these important questions:
Why are they trying to make your life miserable?
This is a very simple yet detailed question to answer. If you can get to the bottom of this you’ll be able to understand the source of the issue and act accordingly.
For someone to actively change their routine or way of doing things to seek out causing you to feel a certain way about something you must have an importance in their life. Or else they wouldn’t do it!
Can you think about any small or big reasons why a new or existing group of parents would dedicate so much time and energy to you?
Try to examine the question from multiple angles and dive deep. Here are some further questions to break down the mindset of other parents who don’t like me.
- Did I do or say something out of the ordinary?
- Did this happen all of a sudden or has it been happening for a long time?
- Do I have or do I own something that is valuable? (this can be an actual possession like a car or a house, or even a person like your husband)
- Do i have something that they are threaten by? A belief system, a way of life, even a type of job)
After you ask yourselves these questions and come to a more well-rounded conclusion of why this is happening to you then you can move onto the next step.
4. Do you really need their friendship?
Getting around the school mums politics can take a bit of time. Sometimes the issues with school mums bullying can be entirely avoided.
You spend almost every day in and out of school, whether it’s the school run, drop off and pick up, after school activists, Parents meetings, PTA meetings etc. It’s natural to think that you need to have friends in and around the school to help with the entire process.
But do you actually need these specific parents approval/inclusion?
Many times we think that being in a specific peer group will help us become more sociable, more powerful and more attractive. However, this isn’t always the case. As adults, we have learnt that not everything that we see on face value is, in fact, the case.
Being included in a group that externally looks more attractive doesn’t always live up to the expectation once you are inside. This is true even outside the school setting, so you need to be sure that the qualities and reasons why you “want in” are in fact true and sincere.
There’s no point being included in a parent peer group if they are nasty or berate other parents. If they are doing it to you, chances are they are doing it to others and that’s not a group of peers that a healthy adult will want to be apart of.
School relationships don’t always have to be made in the same school as your child attends. Remember there are parents everywhere around you.
Try to attend outside school activity groups like libraries, play schemes and playgroups. You can even find parents amongst friend or friends or neighbours. Don’t to narrow down your peer group to those that go to your child’s school or even those child parents that are in the same class as your child.
Be open and explore!
4. Be Patient and Be Kind
Sometimes parents who think other parents dont like me are trying to make friends fast.
If you’ve tried all of the above and have come to the correct conclusion that your selected group of parent friends just need to get to know you a bit more then you can try to be a kinder and patient.
Genuine friendships take time and are built over strong bonds that you both have in common. Try not to actively seek out other parents direct approval, but instead, be tactful and polite. Try to start a conversation by a commenting on something that is important but does not show you want instant acceptance.
A good example is to comment on is something that they have purchased for their child that you think is unique or how well they seem to be handling parenting or even something trivial like their “new hairstyle”.
Try to avoid any gapping big compliments as this will instantly pull red flags and have the other parents on high alert. Instead, be genuine, polite and build a few small interactions over time.
Your mission is to successfully infiltrate a group of parents and to do that you have to be honest, sincere and be yourself. If it works, fantastic, but if it doesn’t at least you haven’t crossed any lines and importantly it’s what you would tell your child to do, so you should feel good that you practice what you preach.
5. Don’t take it all so personal
Sometimes it may just not be time for other parents to add anyone new to their peer group. Try not to take their avoidance as personal. Many parents are going through a vast amount of emotional, physical and financial struggles and it could be a very stressful time whom could be taking it out on the rest.
Try to remember everyone is normal and at the end of the day if they really wanted to make new friends they will. Sometimes it’s as simple as waiting for the right time before connecting in a meaningful way.
Also, remember some parents are natural introverts. This is extremely difficult to tell sometimes as the most popular and actively involved moms can classify themselves in this way.
If this is true you will have to wait until they are ready to open up to. Some parents can go weeks without communicating but it doesn’t mean they don’t want to be friendly or sociable.
Hopeful this will help you understand that when “other parents dont like me” it’s not always personal, but it can be solved with a bit of in-depth research and meaningful connection with other parents.