As a parent, you always want the best for your child. When other parents complaining about my child it’s difficult to take at first. You know your child’s routines and what makes them tick. You also know that they have positive qualities and that for most of the time they are good children.
The issue arises when other parents complaining about my child goes too far and it has a negative impact on another child and your own. Kids play can sometimes get out of hand, but occasionally there is more happening then meets the eye.
As parents, we have to get to the bottom of it, swiftly and safely.
Editorial Pick: How To Discipline A Toddler
Here’s what to do when other parents complaining about my child goes too far.
Other Parents Complaining About My Child – 5 Practical Solutions:
1. Don’t panic
Children aren’t angels and you need to remember that even if you think your child wouldn’t hurt a fly. When a parent complains about your child it’s always to do with the interaction they have had with their own child. That usually leaves it down to the ‘he said, she said’ type scenarios.
Children are very easily influenced, get distracted and can forget what really happened. Resist your temptation to instantly take your child’s side and the urge to “Protect your offspring”.
Many parents who find themselves in the predicament of “other parents complaining about my child” refuse to accept that this isn’t a personal attack against them or their children. There has just been a minor infringement and both parents are worried.
2. Set Boundaries
Kids play can get rough and even when both children consent on the behaviour and verbally agree things can get out of hand. Remind your child that there are some boundaries that should never be crossed, even if the other child has expressly said it’s “OK”.
For example, if another parent has accused your child of hitting or lashing out at their child then you need to set clear physical boundaries for play. This is especially crucial for boys between the ages of 5 – 8 when they are testing boundaries themselves and learning their own strengths.
If your child plays rough at home remind them that there is a code of conduct that needs to be followed at school and that there are consequences for repeatedly breaking the rules.
3. Ask around
When other parents complaining about my child I always remember I am only hearing part of the story. Most of the time the story that you are getting from your child is only one side of the story. You have their side, the other child’s side and then the truth – which can be dramatically different.
If the incident stood out then ask the teacher what they saw and see if you can get to the bottom of it. Remember a teacher may not understand what happened but they generally have a good understanding of your child and other children’s behaviour in class.
Lastly, ask other children! Most parents forget to ask other children’s version of events. This can provide so much more insight into what really happened.
As you piece together your findings bring it to the other parent’s attention and explain why you think your child acted in the way he did. Remember you are not looking to avoid or escape your child’s liability, clearly, there has been an infringement.
Instead, you are gathering all the facts and presenting the evidence in a clear way. With this clarity, both parents can get to the bottom of the underlying issue and examine the methods to move forward.
4. Is it a personal vendetta?
If you are having “other parents complaining about my child” problems then you need to ask yourself if this is a personal attack. Often times the same child will have multiple incidents with different children throughout the school year.
The parent/child relationship is very fragile and many parents will believe anything their child says about anther child even if there is no proof of foul play.
Instead, try to ask your child to stay clear of the other child as “they are not playing nice” and gradually move their interest towards other children. If this child continually accuses children of foul-play then eventually it will be very clear.
When other parents complaining about my child I always take a step back and try to see it from both parents point of view. Feelings can sometimes get in the way of practical solutions to the issue. Remember that your role is just to understand what happened and try your best to prevent it from happening again.
Figuring out the solution to other parents complaining about my child is just one piece of the puzzle. Sometimes you may find that other parents try to discipline your child. While mild discipline is ok, when another parent disciplines your child without your permission or more stern then you do it can have negative effects.
When Another Parent Disciplines Your Child
When another parent disciplines your child it’s very easy to get frustrated. After all you are the child’s parent so you know best! The fact that someone else has tried to discipline your child may come across offensive as they are forcing their agenda onto your child and you may not agree.
However, it’s usually more common for others parent who feels the urge to help out, that dish out some discipline and it’s usually not done in a malicious way.
Here’s what to do when another parent disciplines your child
1. Don’t take it too personally
Most parents are just doing what comes naturally to them. Parents are parents and they want to provide guidance to as many children as they can.
Sometimes it can just be an instinct to say, “sweetie, get down from that chair or else you’ll hurt yourself”. Try not to take secondary parenting as a sign of disrespect as it seldom is. Instead, mirror the other parent’s sentiments if it is something that you would say and do anyway.
2. Don’t react immediately.
Usually, the first thing you will want to do when another parent disciplines your child is to jump down their throat and instruct them to save their discipline efforts for their own child.
Try not to overreact when it happens the first or second time. Doing so will confuse your child and not provide a good example. Instead, if it happens too many times, especially in front of you, pull the other parent aside and politely and sternly remind them that you have a particular way of doing things and would appreciate it if they respected your discipline framework.
In this way you are not angrily reminding them that: “It’s Not Your Child”, (which they already know) but instead you have brought to their attention the fact that the way they discipline and the way you discipline are different.
This needs to be respected at all times or else you won’t stand for it.
3. Take it as a compliment!
As parents, we are so rushed off our feet with 101 things to do before bedtime that sometimes having someone come in and provide some extra guidance can be a breath of fresh air.
If you change your perspective you can easily see this abrupt evasion as a welcome break! Think of it, this person is actively taking their time out of their busy day to help you discipline your child. (let’s face it we all could do with some extra help from time to time)
Instead, draw some clear boundaries so they know what lines not to cross but give them a bit of leeway whilst you do other things. If a parent is passionate about discipline and it aligns close to your version of parenting then let them do the hard work for you!
What To Do When Someone Is Mean To Your Child
It’s difficult to figure out what to do when someone is mean to your child.
When other parents complaining about my child it’s clear that my child may have done something wrong. But when someone is mean to your child you are on the other side of the coin and that can be just as big a challenge.
On the one hand, you want instant retribution but on the other hand, you want to find a way to prevent it from happening again. You can’t be the protector for your child everywhere so here are the best ways to handle what to do when someone is mean to your child.
1. Mean Kids weren’t born mean.
Although it’s difficult to accept, especially when someone has just been mean to your child, it’s true. Unkindness and ridicule are traits that children learn. Try to remind your child and yourself that this child is the result of a bad environment, bad teaching and a bad mindset.
2. Talk to an adult
Always remind your child that whenever someone is mean to them they should speak up for themselves. Letting another child get away with being mean without telling someone is a bad example to set.
Allow them to learn about social and environmental guidelines by giving them the opportunity to tell other adults about it.
For example, if it happens at school advise them to inform the teacher. Explain that it might be happening to other children and that your child has to stand up so that other children can feel safer. If you can frame it as a way to help someone else your child may pluck up the courage to do something about it.
3. A bully needs to be shamed
Bullying should never be tolerated. It’s an unhealthy trait that needs to be named and shamed. Remind your child that they should always watch out for bullies and tell you or other adults as soon as it happens. In that way, everyone knows what has happened and you can formulate a plan to eradicate it once and for all.
4. Be vigilant
Teach your child to be vigilant. Sometimes learning what to do when someone is mean to your child means teaching your child to be aware of when they are being mistreated. Unkindness can take different forms from physical bullying to peer pressure and being influenced to do things that your child would normally not.
5. Use comeback strategies (examples)
A comeback strategy is a way to take the sting out of a bully or mean kid. In this way, you shelter your child from being picked on and help them to deflect the personal attack.
Being picked on and name-calling will always happen so try and focus on smart things to teach your child to get them out of harm’s way and into a better set of friends.
Try these comeback strategies.:
Question the behaviour
Why did you just push me down on the floor for no reason?
Remind your child to be loud so that other people can hear. Bullies don’t like being publically shamed
Deflect the abusive
Try to turn name-calling into a positive thing.
For example, if someone is taunting your child about a birthmark or spot on their face you can teach them to emphasis that it’s “my favourite mark on my face, thanks for noticing”
A bully is looking for a reaction to get their kicks. If they can’t get it they will just move onto something else that grabs their short attention span.
Similar to above, you can teach your child to ignore it.
Bullies tend to pick on people who are easy to upset. Try to avoid this by ignoring them when it’s appropriate to do so. (a playground it is, as you can walk away. But a school bus isn’t as the taunting will continue in a small space)
This usually works if the bully is a so-called friend.
Confront them and ask them blatantly why they are intent on picking on your child. It can be very confrontational but sometimes as parents, you have to take things into your own hands.
Learning what to do when someone is mean to your child can sometimes mean taken extreme action to get to the bottom of the situation. Remind the child that if they continue to act in this way they will lose their friend forever. Use this as a last resort when all else fails.
Child Rejected By Peers – What shall I do?
A child who is rejected by his peers is cast outside of the group usually in a social and very open way. A rejected child is usually, via peer pressure, not allowed to be friends with anyone in the group and if they are they are refrained socially from spending too much time with them.
Essentially it sucks but there are ways to avoid it and ways to mitigate the effects. Before we go into our child rejected by peers checklist, let’s first explore the research behind rejected children:
Child Rejected By Peers: Research
Studies show that most children that are rejected go down 2 paths: those that are very aggressive and disruptive and those that are much more withdrawn and shy.
Both can be classed as socially awkward and do not conform to the common norms and values of the rest of the peer group.
The fundamental truth about rejection is that it doesn’t have any positive effects on the child and usually leads them down a path of more disruption and aggression.
Child Rejected By Peers: 3 Main Reasons
Trying too hard to be funny!
Being funny is essential to any relationship and friendship is no different. Everyone likes to make people laugh but sometimes these missions to make others laugh can cross an unspoken boundary of loyalty and trust.
If this happens your child could be rejected for something they have said or done to another in order to make everyone else laugh.
There are even more unspoken rules in the school and peer group setting. These socially accepted signals are there to bond people that have similar interest and keep out those that don’t. I
f your child is unable to recognise the social cues or struggles to notice other peoples reactions to their behaviour this could be a natural reason why they will be shunned by their peers.
Bragging too much!
Children who are marginalised tend to excessively brag to impress others.
Bragging inherently shows the other child that you are better then they are and you know it. Even if your child thinks this is true no one likes when someone else looks down their nose at them.
Not only will this type of behaviour alienate a child but it will also stop them from ake friends in the future as many children socialise with people who they can see traits of themselves in.
If your child is always trying to outdo other children then eventually they will get to a point where there are no more people to outshine. This is a major factor for child rejected by peers.
Child Rejected By Peers: Solutions
Now you understand the reasons behind a rejected child and some traits that these types of children have let’s now investigate smart and effective ways to stop it from happening.
Figure out the cause
As mentioned above you need to figure out why your child has been rejected in the first place.
Was it something they said or done?
Was it in reaction to an event or a occasion?
Has it been happening for a long time or has it just started?
Figure out the primary cause behind the marginalisation and work progressively from there. This is a good way to combat a Child Rejected By Peers issue.
Re-enforce what socially positive behaviour looks like and help your child understand what they have done that was social suicide.
This can take some time and could take even longer to formulate a change, but this is the key to opening a line of dialogue that should get them back on track.
Use Their Strengths
Collaborate with your child to bring out the things that they are good at, what their strengths are in and see if you can intertwine these skills at school. For example, if your child is a social joker, but loves to play football get him more involved in the school team and less involved in playground comedy.
Encourage fewer Friends That Are Closer
Lead your child by example and explain the importance of close friends and why they should have them as positive measuring sticks. Your child’s social life is just as important as other areas of his life and although they may not see it now it’s important to find a connection outside of the family home.
This will give them a greater sense of individuality as they are growing up and build their characters as adults.
Praise & Affection
Remind your child of how much you love them and will always be there for them with arms open wide. It’s important that you offer your unconditional love when times get tough.
When a child gets rejected by his peers it can happen very suddenly and they can go from on top of the pyramid to the bottom almost instantaneously.
Knowing that your care and assistance is always around is extremely important for foundational support. Never underestimate the power of a good hug!
Bossy Child No Friends
When other people call your child bossy, you jump in a remind them that she’s just strong-willed and opinionated. Deep down, however, you know that your child’s temperament is the main reason why she is struggling socially and you want to find out what you can do about it.
Here are 7 smart things you can do to help your child seem more approachable.
Bossy Child No Friends Tip 1 – Mirroring
Many bossy children are copying someone or something they have been taught. Usually, this comes from the primary caregiver, but that’s not always the case.
Bossiness and assertiveness are very strong traits but they can be misconstrued in children. If you have a very strong dominant character then try to dial it down a little in your day to day interactions with your children to see if it will make a difference.
Bossy Child No Friends Tip 2 – Manners
It’s always a smart thing to remind children about their manners especially if they are strong-willed and can come across bossy. Remind you child that manners will get you through more doors then brute force and that most friends would appreciate a more pleasant approach to getting things done.
Bossy Child No Friends Tip 3 – Lead By Example
Give your child the option to frame their interactions with people in a more positive and polite way. For example, if they want to watch something on TV and are demanding the remote, remind them that speaking loudly and rudely will not get them what they want.
Explain that the better way to get what they want is to ask in a more pleasant tone and then wait patiently until the other person is ready to respond. Bossiness usually stems from a child just wanted to get control of a situation which is a great trait to have.
Independence in children should never be punished, but, the choice of words to get there should be.
Bossy Child No Friends Tip 4: Appeal To The Child In Them
Manners and discipline aren’t fun to learn. Most children run to the hills at the sight of a lecture about saying “please” and “thank you”.
Instead try to frame your parenting style in a more child friendly way. One smart way to do this is to play a game that encourages positive manners and engages in the appropriate says to behaviour.
A good example would be a role-playing game where you ask your child to play you and you play them. Now you act out a scenario that shows your child what it feels like to be on the other side of bossiness and demands.
Smartly, you get them to act out and say the things you would normally say, (like please, thank you, use your inside voice, don’t shout, ask just once etc)
After a few sessions, you may see the role play rubbing off in real life.
Ultimately, you want your children to be individuals and express themselves in positive and healthy ways. This should be done in a structured and safe way but without hurting other people around them,
By reminding them of the consequences of their behaviour and showing them the immediate effect it’s having on their social life you can bring to light the problems that this type of behaviour is causing and highlight smart and easy ways to avoid it in the future.
Learning smart and practical things to defend your children but also reprimand them when things have gotten out of hand is important. The “other parents complaining about my child” dilemma is that it’s difficult to know what really happened.
Children temperament can be fragile so it’s important you have patience whenever you are dealing with sensitive issues.