What are the things to talk about before having a baby? Many parents ask themselves this question hoping that they can figure it all out.
Having a baby is life’s precious joy that all parents will tell you is the biggest and most impactful change they have ever experienced.
However, with great responsibility comes great care. You have to make sure that you have a solid foundation in place before deciding if it’s the right time to have a baby or not. Some parents have 1001 questions to ask before having a baby and even that’s not enough!
Every family is different but there are a few important questions and discussions you need to have to ensure that your baby’s entry into your life is worry-free for you and new baby
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New Parents struggle to explore all the possibilities on whether or not now is the best time to have a baby. The most common queries include:
- Things to discuss before baby arrives?
- Questions to ask your partner before having a baby?
- 1001 questions to ask before having a baby
In this short article, we will bust al the myths open and give you the top 10 things to talk about before baby arrives
10 Essential Things To Talk About Before Having A Baby
1. Why should we do it now?
You may have decided to get pregnant by following a scheduled or it may be unplanned. Either way you will need to sit down with your partner and discuss why now is the best time to have a baby.
Things to discuss include you both being on the same page, you both having a moderate to a high level of stability in your careers and the extra support system you may have in place to take care of your planned baby (like grandparents)
Being on the same page is the first and most important consideration when discussing questions to ask your partner before having a baby.
2. Couple goals and Couple changes
You will need to divide the responsibilities in a smart and naturally friendly way. For example who will sort out feeds, night-time changing, daycare etc.
Also, you will have to discuss your finances and see if you can create a new budget together to include your new addition. Talking about things like education and school is also important at this early stage as it will help you to be more thorough about the situation.
3. Relationship Strength
The stronger your relationship the more likely things will go according to your plan and the less likely you’ll see problems in the future. Babies are a very big mental and physical challenge and your relationship may be put on the back burner once your little one arrives.
Don’t’ plan to have a baby to bring you both closer together as it’s not the best mindset to have when planning for a new baby and baby care.
4. Parenting guidance
Some important questions to ask your partner before having a baby is how you both intend to parent. The way you were brought up will play a key role in this decision so be sure that you both understand the positives and negatives of your childhood.
Talk with your partner about what their ideal idea of being a mum or being a dad is and ensure you both agree with the joint contribution of each role and how it will work out for your child.
One of the highest cost of having a new baby is childcare. It’s one of the most important things to talk about before having a baby as it can have such a big burden on your finances.
Figuring out who will work and who will stay at home, at least initially, will help cement a firm picture of both parents roles and importantly gets you to look at what it will be like when the baby arrives.
One of the impactful things to talk about before having a baby is your views on to discipline. Providing a positive and proactive disciplining framework is a fundamental requirement to bring up a healthy family.
Discipline isn’t just about punishment but more about your relationship with your child and how you intend on keeping everyone’s views unified.
Talk about how you disciplined as a child, what you feel worked for you and what didn’t. Ask your parents why they did or didn’t do certain things and decide whether you want to go down the same path.
Spanking, for example, has a very divided view so make sure you weigh up all the pro’s and cons and come to the right conclusion for you and your family setup.
Another one of the crucial things to talk about before having a baby is religion. If you both are from the same faith then this one is probably going to be a short conversation. If not, then you will need to weigh up all the pros and cons of raising your child from a different perspective and even explore a segmented or diverse religious upbringing.
There is no right or wrong answer here and talking about how you feel and what it means to you with your partner will help provide clarity.
8. What if we can’t conceive?
In some relationships being able to conceive a baby is a deal-breaker. You will need to have a serious discussion on the potential options you have available to you if you are unable to conceive a baby. You could keep your plan open to adoption, or surrogacy, for example, as it’s important to know your alternatives.
Infertility is a lot more stressful then parents can imagine and the fear of not a conceiving month after month and even year after year can test even the most steadfast relationships.
An open mind and keeping your options open will help.
9. Family home
One often overlooked area on things to talk about before having a baby is the family home.
Starting a new family will usually mean buying or renting a new home. This is an important decision to make as sometimes it can mean living with your partner for the first time.
Figuring out what type of home you need and which part of the country to buy it in will play a huge environmental and social bearing on your family.
Try to be open with time frames and work backwards from what you’d like and where you want to be to what you have now.
10. Baby names!
It’s a bit early, but if you’ve got this far and you’ve agreed on some or all of the above you can start doing the fun stuff! I
f you’ve got a few baby names hidden in your diary or the archives of your mind, get them out and start sharing. Your baby’s name is important and will be your first formal connection point once they arrive.
Be sure to include in your discussions last names and whether you’d prefer to double-barrel to keep both family names alive.
Things To Consider Before Having A Baby
Even though you have some tough and complex decision to make there are some other things to consider before having a baby that isn’t as demanding but still need to be mentioned.
1. Delivery Options
This is one of the more important things to consider before having a baby.
Be sure to plan how you intend on delivering the baby. Whether that’s a home birth, a hospital birth, pool birth or something that’s a mixture all 3, it’s important you set aside a plan for your ideal labour.
It’s unusual that it will go exactly to plan, but deciding on your ideal setup and working progressively towards that will free up your mental space closer to the time. (don’t’ forget about planning for effective pain relief as well)
2. Feeding & Health Options
Are you planning on bringing your baby up with a strict dieting plan? If you are then be sure to research into what babies and toddlers can and can’t eat.
Also, make sure you are able to cut out certain things from your diet to facilitate it. If you are planning on having a vegan diet for your baby be prepared to explain why you eat meat and why they can’t.
This is an often overlooked area of things to consider before having a baby. If you intend to have new baby sleep in a cot, then to a crib and then eventually transition to their own to toddler bed that that’s fine. But be prepared to investigate the pro’s and cons of co-sleeping.
There is a lot of evidence, both scientific and anecdotal that suggest one may outweigh the other.
Ultimately the decision is up to you, but don’t rule it out until you know the reasons for and against each one.
4. Being a couple again
When thinking about things to consider before having a baby most couples don’t even think to talk about this.
As baby comes they will eventually go into toddler stage and transition through childhood and teenage years faster then you think. Ask any parent with a teenager and they’ll remind you that the baby years flew by! (although it might not always seem like that when you’re going through it)
Amongst all the possibilities make sure you have a discussion on being a couple again. Whether that means staying at home when the children moving out or selling up and living on a tropical island, it’s all very important to talk about so you both are on the similar pages.
5. Sleepless nights & crying babies
One of the most important things to consider before having a baby is preparing for those sleepless nights. No matter what way you look at it a new baby will cry and they will have to adapt to their parents sleeping patterns naturally. This can take a long time.
For most parents this is the biggest stress they will face in the early years of childhood and can make or break a couple. No matter how much advice you get from others learning to sleep on less then 5 hours sleep a night and waking up every 2 hours to feed, change and put the baby back to sleep is hard.
On top of that, your baby will cry and scream for your attention at different intervals throughout the day. It’s a full-time job and you have to be prepared for sleepless nights and crying babies!
1001 Questions To Ask Before Having A Baby
Here is a list of questions to ask before having a baby. Try and be honest in your answer and don’t’ feel the need to know the correct answer for every question.
Many parents have 1001 questions to ask before having a baby but fundamentally it can be all covered within a few key areas.
Sometimes just giving attention to a dilemma that you didn’t know existed is enough for you mind to start to pull together the pieces of the puzzle for clarity.
Other questions to ask before having a baby are:
- Bottle feeding or breast milk?
- Circumcising or keeping him intact?
- Piercing baby’s ears Right away or wait?
- Are you going to have godparents?
- What are your primary goals in raising a child?
- What are your greatest fears as a parent and does your childhood have an impact?
- Do you think discipline and punishment are the same thing? If so why?
- Is spanking your child wrong? (bring up scenarios that would push your parenting skills to the test and find out what would happen if one of got really angry)
- Does the dad need to be the main breadwinner, what would happen if mum decided to work and dad became the primary childcare parent?
- Think of a typical daily routine with your child. From wake, playtime, food and sleep. What does it look like? Who does what?
- How would you protect your child from a cold or the flu? What’s your view on vaccinations?
- How much influence will the grandparents on each side play?
- If you couldn’t see your friends on a regular basis for 6 months how would that impact your friendships?
The most important things to talk about before having a baby are your mindset and whether or not you have the correct foundation to start them off in life correctly. Important things to consider before having a baby are how you intend to bring them up and whether or not you are both on the same page or not.
Communication is key and every new parent has 1001 questions to ask before having a baby. Don’t become overwhelmed by the journey. See it as a new exciting chapter in your life and you’ll be eager to explore and apply what you’ve learnt!