Why is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me

Do you keep asking yourself, why is my grown daughter so mean to me? Welcome to adult parenthood!

It is a tough place to be. You have probably nurtured this solid and loving bond with your daughter since she was a baby all through her teenage years.

Now, she is all grown up, can make her own decisions, but she is still your baby.

The meanness is now eating you alive, and you do not know what is happening. 

We understand how hurting the situation is. Studies show that mothers tend to have a very strong bond with their daughters, much more powerful than many of us perceive. 

We are here to answer all the questions and ensure you and your daughter and back to that friendly banter in no time.

See related post: My Daughter Is Out Of Control Where Can I Send Her?

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

There are many reasons why kids are mean to their parents.

But sometimes, they are probably teasing or being sarcastic in their responses.

We end up overthinking the situation and labeling it as ‘mean’. 

But are they really mean? Here’s how you know if your daughter is mean and rude towards you:

1. Arguing Over Trivial Topics 

We agree you can have a difference of opinion. This is human nature, and people tend to disagree often. 

However, the problem arises when she carries on an argument, even when it makes no sense.

She does everything to counter your points all the time without any care.

If her tone is also disrespectful during these scenarios, then yeah, she is absolutely mean. 

2. Hates Your Presence 

Do you realize a change in how she behaves, looks at you, or talks to you the minute you end up in the same location?

Is the reaction way different from when you leave the room or when she is around someone else?

Perhaps she has stopped inviting you to her home, even for parties, while she invites everyone else? 

That’s definitely being mean! 

3. Denies Your Requests 

Again, think of scenarios where her denial of some of your requests makes no sense at all.

You were probably requesting her to pass you something or do some house chore, and she blatantly ignores or turns you down without a valid reason. All these are signs of meanness.

4. Lack of Kind Gestures

Some small gestures that people do, even without our asking, let us know they care about us—maybe covering you up with a blanket when you fall asleep on the couch—making you a snack or a drink when you are having a long day. 

Or maybe it is the small language of touch, where someone tries to hold your hand or give you a little massage just to help you release some tension.

These, among others, are all kind gestures. And if your daughter has stopped and is doing the opposite, they are mean to you. 

5. Intentionally Hurts Your Feelings

There is a difference between saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment and deliberately thinking of how you can hurt someone with your words. 

If your daughter does the latter, it’s likely because she really wants to hurt your feelings by being mean.

6 Reasons Why Your Grown Daughter Being So Mean To You

These include:

1. Your Parenting 

Do you think of yourself as an involved parent? One who was always present, attentive, and kind to her daughter? 

Our parenting skills play a huge role in how our children turn out to be in adulthood.

Most of the time, when you are a mean parent to your daughter, they tend to disassociate themselves with you when they grow. 

2. Invading Her Privacy 

You might have been the best parent they could ever have, but that as they grow, you need to develop some boundaries.

She is an adult now and is capable of making decisions on her own.

Things like knocking before entering her room or not going through her stuff when she is not home because you are afraid she is hiding something.

All this is invading her privacy, and it will lead to mean behavior. 

3. Making Her Decisions 

Still on the privacy issue. You are probably not respecting her decisions, and you try to overrule those with yours.

This is one of the greatest recipes for meanness and rudeness. 

It shows that you do not value her opinion or trust her as an adult to run her life.

Remember that she is all grown up now and not a little girl anymore. 

4. Your Relationship Is No Longer The Same

While you will always be her mom, it does not mean that she wants you to keep being a parent figure like when she was young. 

As your child grows, her needs also differ. And difficult as it may, you have to acknowledge that she no longer needs you to be a helicopter parent. 

You have to accept that your daughter is turning into a woman in her own right. And as such, she wants to be treated like an adult capable of making her own decisions. 

She’s not a little girl nor your baby anymore. 

5. There Is Jealousy 

Sometimes, the reason behind conflict between mother and daughter is that there is jealousy between both parties. 

You may not realize it but you are jealous of your daughter’s freedom and youth. On the other hand, she may feel jealous and overwhelmed with all that you have achieved in your age. 

Jealousy may be causing the tension between you two. 

6. Your Relationship Has Never Been The Best

There are some relationships that simply aren’t the best, no matter how we wish them to be. 

Even if you try to do everything right, you may not be able to form a bond with your daughter that you’ve always wanted. 

There may have been circumstances in the past where your child grew up feeling like she wasn’t a priority or she always failed you. 

Even if these things aren’t true, these are childhood scars that need to heal over time. Nor should you force building a relationship with your daughter right away.

How To Deal With A Mean Grown Daughter

First of all, your daughter’s behavior is not something you need to deal with. Instead, you should carefully assess your relationship with your daughter and treat it as something you both need to work on. 

If your daughter is being unkind and disrespectful to you, here are some things you can to remedy the relationship:

1. Communicate

Make it a point to confront your daughter and talk about why she is being mean to you. 

Do it at a time when your daughter is not in a bad mood. 

Try your best not to turn it into an argument. Allow each other to speak calmly and honesty. 

2. Write A Letter

If you’re worried confronting your daughter could turn into a full-blown argument, a letter may be the best option. 

Take time to write a letter where you can express everything. 

Even if your daughter doesn’t write back, you can find peace that you have told her how you feel. 

3. Start Treating Her As An Adult

This is something you need to seriously work on, especially if you still see your daughter as a little girl. 

Remind yourself regularly that she is now an adult and that she no longer needs you to control and make decisions for her. 

4. Listen To Her Too

Sometimes, the reason why you’re daughter is being mean to you is because you are not listening to her. 

After you tell her how you feel, make it a point to ask how she feels about your relationship too.

Encourage having a genuine and honest conversation with her. Also, validate her feelings. 

Be empathetic instead of getting defensive. 

5. Respect Boundaries

To have a healthy relationship, you both need to set boundaries. 

Firstly, you have to accept that there are things about her life that she doesn’t need to share with you. 

At the same time, you have to let your daughter know that you would still like to be part of her life despite those things. 

6. Love Her No Matter What

No matter how mean your daughter may be, make it clear that you are still there and that you love her. 

But at the same time, call out her behavior and let her know that this is not how you want her to treat you. 

Be clear that you don’t just love her when she is being nice. Tell her that you will always love her no matter what. 

Spend time with your daughter and look for things that you both enjoy to do. 

Take time to really get to know her as an adult, you just might love who she’s turning out to be. 

Summary

So, do you have answers to why is my grown daughter so mean to me? One or two of these three reasons could be the reasons why she is mean.

But, there could also be a possibility that you are overthinking her sarcastic answers.

Having a good friendly talk might help you clear out the issue. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How do you deal with a disrespectful grown daughter?

One of the most challenging roles a parent has to play is to be a disciplinarian. 

As your child grows, you also need to change how you discipline her. 

This is because an approach you may be using in the past may no longer work when your child gets older. 

2. Why is my grown up daughter so rude to me?

There may be some things that your adult daughter is dealing with. And she may not want to share these issues with her parent. 

You have to accept this and continue to be there for her. 

3. What do you do when your daughter is being mean to you?

Tell your daughter that she is not a mean girl. 

This is a false identity that may become true over time. 

If your daughter is being mean to you, take time to show her kindness. 

Reassure her that she is not a mean girl. This will help her realize who her real identity is. 

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