Life as a parent can become a constant struggle.
With some many important things to juggle it’s easy to make a mistake and start a downward spiral of destruction.
Leaving you thinking, My daughter is out of control where can I send her? or
- Is my life out of control?
- Is my family taking a turn for the worse?
- My son is out of control where can I send him?
- Where can I send my child for discipline?
Children can often spiral out of control for no apparent reason.
This distinct behavioural change has many contributing factors. These include:
- Environment factors
- Social factors
- Emotional changes
- Mental wellbeing
It is simply not the case that an isolated event or situation has caused erratic behaviour.
More often then not it is the result of many small actions that have pathed the way for negative and aggressive behaviour that may results in children being out of control.
Before we go into effective ways to manage your “out of control daughter” or your “out of control son” let’s first take a look at what has shaped this decision and areas for improvement.
My Daughter Is Out Of Control Where Can I Send Her?
If you are still thinking “my daughter is out of control where can I send her?” or “where can I send my out of control teenager” then below are your 3 best options.
These will allow for a smoother transition and give you more peace of mind then longer-term suggestions that may not actually solve the underlying problem. (I.e. Juvenile detention or Army service)
Option 1: Boarding School
This can be a good option if you are keen on allowing your child to continue formal education.
There are very specific schools (state-specific) you can search for that are more hardened forms of boarding schools.
These are usually for children that have come from difficult circumstances, have a history of delinquency or have come from disruptive homes.
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Option 2: Send Them To A Family Member
This is a positive option if you know your child is going through a tough time at school or within the community but you don’t have the means to pack up and leave your area.
By sending them away to a family member you can trust in a separate city they are forced to have a fresh start.
This can be a fantastic way to monitor their process and for them to feel a connection to somewhere other then what they have known.
Option 3: Social Care
This is probably one of the harder options as it can limit the frequency of contact between parent and child and is probably the last resort.
Contact your local authority and inquire about social care.
Remember that each area will have unique requirements so be sure to research your local area first to make sure it’s adequate for your personal requirements.
My Child Is Out Of Control What Can I Do?
1. Developmental Reasons
Young children go through a variety of developmental challenges.
This can have a severe effect on their life and most importantly their child years.
A child that is not fully supported through ages 1 – 5 can have adverse effects that are likely to break into bad habits as they get older.
Developmentally children learn from a young age how to cope with anger, fear, guilt and the stresses of day to day life.
Tantrums are usually ways to cope with these stronger emotions and offer a healthy way for your child to express themselves.
This behaviour is a fundamental building block for learning and people skills that will help them in the future.
It is recommended you check each developmental milestone to ensure that the behaviour your child is displaying is not a normal and healthy part of growing up.
If you do find this is the case then being more patient and showing more empathy can help you to manage your child and your expectations of their behaviour.
For example, a 5-year-old who has just started a new school can show very disruptive behaviour in response to such a big life change.
As they learn the new social rules in school and try to cope with not having parents around they may fall into bad habits, tantrums and show signs of disruptive behaviour.
This is usually just a call for attention as they adjust to their new surroundings.
2. Attention Issues
Children can show disruptive, aggressive and abusive behaviour as a way to gain attention from parents.
From the toddler stage, children learn the most effective way to get their parents attention.
This isn’t always achieved by showing positive behaviour and it is very common for a child to associate disruptive behaviours with getting attention.
Although this may not be the attention they intended to receive your child has learnt that it may be the only way to get the attention they desire.
3. Family Crisis
If you have had a family crisis, divorce or death in the past children can sometimes act out in response to this.
Guilt, fear and anxiety are often linked to disruptive behaviour amongst children and a family crisis has the most severe effect on a child causing high levels of emotional discomfort.
Children crave structure and if this structure is in jeopardy they may get aggressive or violent as a way to cope with it.
Try to sit down in a calm and safe place and find out from your child if they have any anxiety towards a recent family crisis or a change in the family dynamic. (Ie. Having a new baby)
4. Social Tension
Children learn a vast majority of acceptable social skills from their friends and they can play a big part in negative behaviour.
Have there been any changes in their social life recently?
Maybe a new boyfriend or a bad break up?
Have they just fallen out with a long term friend or made some new ones?
It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what social influence has caused the behaviour especially if you aren’t on good terms with your child.
But try to check when the disruptive behaviour started and look for clues to match the behaviour with a particular event.
Tip – Check online profiles (Facebook, Instagram etc) to see if there any clues to recent changes in their social circles.
More often then not you’ll see a pattern or recognise a change that may not have been there before)
5. Behaviour disorders
It’s important that you have a medical professional evaluate your child for any behavioural disorders. This include:
- Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
- Autism spectrum disorder (ASD)
- Anxiety disorder.
- Bipolar disorder
- Learning disorders
It can be as simple as getting the correct diagnosis and then the correct assistance to reduce the symptoms of the behavioural disorder.
Most parents are unaware of these types of behaviour disorders and it’s important to rule these out first.
6. Personality Disorders
Although rare this can also have an influence on children’s behaviour.
A medical condition known as ASPD (Antisocial personality disorder) is most closely linked to children and aggression.
If you think your child is suffering from a potential personality disorder then Seek medical help from a qualified paediatrician for a professional evaluation.
Here’s a quick video on Mother Says Her 15-Year-Old Daughter Is Completely Out of Control
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